just come out here and I will go home with you...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize