I'm so fucking centered right now
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
