I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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