He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
