so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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