if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
