This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize