They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
