last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
