u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
