hotel room ftw
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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