Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
