I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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