no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
