Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
