Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
