oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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