dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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