i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I enjoy the company of your penis
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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