I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
