You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
