WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
