you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
