So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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