so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
