Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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