I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize