I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
