i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
