its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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