I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
