Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
