my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
