she woke up with a sticky ear
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
