alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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