After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
