this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it's great music for shaving your balls
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
