i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
