watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
