I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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