I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
