my shit smells like andre
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
