i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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