The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
