So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
