Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
