He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
