Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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