I want to have your abortion
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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