i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
