home. puking in laundry basket.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
