She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
