1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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