that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
