Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am available for nakedness
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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