i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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