I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
