Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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