I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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