so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
