I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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