I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
