My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
