We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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