I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
