He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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