You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
