Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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