dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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