Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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