things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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