I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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