Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just found a bag of teeth...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
