And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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