just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
