I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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