dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I cockslap morals
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
