I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
