I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
