Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize