they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
