You work out of a Hotel?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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