Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
