I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
