you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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