I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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