I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
