need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
