so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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