You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
